http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/ What's on the minds of young leaders from around the globe? en-us http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/10153 we'll slip between the windows and out into the rain
braver than our parents ever were or ever could be cause
we see with eyes of hope, we are immortal in our smiles
and our leaping hearts will whisper

who can touch us
who can touch us now?

we are more than we imagined in the summer of our childhood
our dreams have grown like pumpkins, gold between the autumn leaves
and our songs will tell those stories of love and betrayal
as we fly in our gossamer skirts above cities and streams

crouched around an open fire we will sing with our guitars
and the sound of strings will echo through this long-forgotten place
we'll wake up the musty darkness as our voices sound like trumpets
to give the gift that sounds like growing in the sparkling summer rain



back to college in three days! can't wait...
]]> Thu, 24 Jul 2003 07:09:00 EDT http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/10153 -37.8166667 144.9666667-37.8166667144.9666667 http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/9382 so i keep wondering whether i've changed, or whether it's living with others all the time that means they seem to see through me as easily as glass. i do not mean for them to, more than i ever have, but it seems that suddenly i am surrounded by others who are perceptive, who notice the smallest and worst things about me; things that i do not wish anyone - not even myself - to notice.

i am being confronted with all the worst things about myself, things i cannot avoid or silence my mind about. i am being confronted by my need to change, to grow in the truest sense - and also, despite my championing of it - my inevitable fear of change.

i do not wish to change. i do not wish to need to change. i wish for everyone else to change their view, and for mine to stay the same - to be, like my father, never wrong. not to have to admit my own faults, my own clumsy inadequacies and guilt, my self-centeredness, my pride and arrogance, my desire to tell stories and be listened to. my need, fundamental crushing desire, to be liked.

i am also realising that the smokescreens of my previous life do not work here. i cannot perform 24 hours a day for months on end; it is not practical, it will not be believed. i must be quiet, i must be still. i must learn to think before i speak not only of how it will be received, of what they will want to hear, or of what i want to say, but both at once. i must learn yet again another way to act, another way to be.

this time, it needs to be for keeps.

i want to learn to be liked.]]> Mon, 09 Jun 2003 10:27:00 EDT http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/9382 -37.8166667 144.9666667-37.8166667144.9666667 http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/9170 ___________________________________________________________

i am in a war
just me.
alone, i see skeptically
i have proven murphy's law
a living example of the way
it all falls apart and
comes back together
simultaneously
every second
every person
every time.

i am a witness to
new growth from death
beautiful love is appearing
from the grave of my tears
i am scuffed, an old shoe
but
at least in that
my scars have been of value
for now i see
a seed has been planted.
___________________________________________________________

i slam myself against the bars of this cage
i whistle softly into the darkness
listening for an echo, somewhere
who knows when i'll see the stars again
___________________________________________________________

someone has dropped honey on my skin
sticky, it smears
cat-like, i lick it off

hiding my indiscretion with a curtain of golden hair
shine in the sunlight, and we are outside
under the trees, under the birds and powerlines
under the overarching heart of the world

the sky, emotions printed in a depth of clouds
better than any laser high-tech nothing they could have created;
more than this plastic and metal space
it reflects light.
it reflects my light and
the giving, the shining, of everyone else.

the world is full of honey
full of sticky sweet history
golden souls contained only
by skin

expelled only
by words
and smiles under stars
___________________________________________________________

there was a murder in this house
once.
blood, dripping down the stairs
then congealing, still
staining the plain wood
staining the structure
supporting this small space;
silence.

the blood remains
deep under plush new carpet
beating like a heart
under your feet
not much left in this place but the
call of the blood that you feel
when you walk through the door
nothing but
that piece of the past
echoing there.

the screams that remain
are held in the stain
of the blood that's been dripped down the stairs
these moments cannot be seared away from
empty space, empty of all but
scars of history, seared through
through the wood, through time
like nothing more or less
like the light

the light is all that remains the same
as it pours through the dusty window
despite the screams
unaltered
unchanged
___________________________________________________________

around the corner
a gentle giant
many different faces beneath
one amiable smile
but so soft
voice hands walk
all soft
all gentle

and i no longer care
about finding perfection
maybe perfection is
accepting simple things
and being happy that
life is good.

you are good.
i know this
where my ribs meet
that centre of soft warmth pulsates
i become quiet; still
and i smile with no cause
but seeing you
and in your smile which returns my warmth
i recognise that
simple things can make you
content
and content can make you
happy.

for once it is enough
i do not
- in this moment, now -
need more.
___________________________________________________________

how dare i claim
that all i've ever wanted
still is not enough
only human and so selfish
i am haunted, hunted
by that innate desire
to be more, have more
be better, fuller, higher
will i ever achieve
rest from this foolish dream?

i am running faster
faster further
darkened spaces
narrow bridges
no way out.
___________________________________________________________

i have said
i am changing like the sea
people say that it
that i
am beautiful
but they have forgotten

those waves are full of
cigarette butts
plastic bags
lost thongs
and also that even the pure sea water
the kind you see at
as-yet-untarnished
holiday places
is full of salt.

is it all about the different people that we are?
the different eyes which look out from each changing face?
it does not matter which face we take on
day by day water reflecting
growth change multiple personalities
the salt will always glisten and alter
our view
like tears.]]> Tue, 27 May 2003 08:33:00 EDT http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/9170 -37.8166667 144.9666667-37.8166667144.9666667 http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/9068

she has a life
she has a future
she has long fine tangled hair
swaying around her shoulders
it makes her look like a cloud
her eyes reflect the sky

made perfectly in miniature
she is not neat; she is real
she truly lives each moment
uses everything she has
with no concept of the endless
tomorrows she faces
with those eyes full of light
the sky after a storm on the sea.

captured within this frame
i can see in one second
everything she could be
all the choices she can make
in those bluegrey eyes so like mine
i find a life.

she is framed against the cliffs
they rise behind her
looming large in the foreground
she is more than you see
standing there, hair sweeping her face
her head in the clouds
and her mind in the waves
as they change
reflecting the world
and the sky.


guys, if you read, please comment! i relish getting comments, and i'm unsure as to whether i even *have* a readership any more...i don't update as often as i used to, simply because life became way more busy! but when i have time, i do write. anyway. let me know!]]> Wed, 21 May 2003 09:13:00 EDT http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/9068 -37.8166667 144.9666667-37.8166667144.9666667 http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/8405

in this place
your place of darkness
rubber plant
stale oranges
accumulated dust and the
sight of a church spire
gothic and old, from your window
lit up in the night -
i would give this to you.

dank raw new tightness
i would that you desired
the surrender of this gift
metallic leakage
sweat
skin skin
in amongst the oranges which match
cellulite skin on my too-white thighs
as-yet untouched.

i would tell you this
with my body
and my eyes

if it were not for your smile
the warmth that emanates
softly
whenever
- often -
you think of her.


this stemmed, in case you're interested, from an image. my writing often does, particularly the descriptive stuff. pretty sure that this semester my focus is going to be primarily on poetry... i'd like to work on being as good as i can be within this one medium, as opposed to mediocre at everything i try :P

speaking of which, the play is going well. we open in a week, and i'm pretty nervous, but in a good way.

more when i write it.]]> Wed, 02 Apr 2003 20:07:00 EST http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/8405 -37.8166667 144.9666667-37.8166667144.9666667 http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/8278 early many mornings
in the ashen sky before dawn
as i leave you in the empty bed

a sleeping dog; i cannot let you lie
your teeth pierce my skin
i am punctured
i leak failure regret and pain
i am surprised that the acid pouring from my eyes
the salt, has not marked the ground
seared through, burnt into it as it has to me.

though i see you every day
you are absent from your shell
i am left
clinging to false memories
struggling to make the pieces of two different puzzles fit
we contrast
the image stumbles
blunt cardboard edges fraying

my layers are visible, exposed, rusting away.
again i am wrong, again i have failed
again i return
purely simply sadly

attempting to cross the broken bridge
and touch your smile again.
]]> Wed, 26 Mar 2003 01:33:00 EST http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/8278 -37.8166667 144.9666667-37.8166667144.9666667 http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/8178 as it rises to the surface
like oil, sticky
dirty
poison.

now you are something else
as you predicted you would be
what feels like so long ago
and what i am struck by is
how different all this reality is.

you are the papercut
from the turning of the page
inevitable, necessary
clumsy, painful
invisible, niggling
sharp.

sometimes
i think i could walk for miles
to leave myself behind.]]> Thu, 20 Mar 2003 00:05:00 EST http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/8178 -37.8166667 144.9666667-37.8166667144.9666667 http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/8121 Well, I was right about one thing. Taking a creative writing course has encouraged me to write much more than before - not just because I have assessment, but more I think that now I feel entitled to think of myself as a writer. In a strange way it helps. Anyway. Exerpts from the latest collection: unpolished and unfinished, the real, raw deal. As always, would love to hear comments :D.

Lecture

everything is stark
a hundred faces stare
silently numb in the darkness

pristine, a woman speaks
tight curls, sharp voice
she drones
and they pretend to listen

though all around them is white
and their colours are muted before the giant screen
inside they buzz
a million things occurring to them
all at once
none about the woman
the film
or the money they paid
absentmindedly
simply to be here
elite
in the almost night
appearing to sleep.

Consequences

you have trespassed into my heart
crossed the invisible borders and set up camp

you are making your mark
and i feel every hesitant footstep
every silent breath

i wanted you to stay
but not like this.

abandoned

weeds entangle my legs
they seek human comfort
presence that is missing

old boards creak slowly
aching like bones
chilled from a winter dawn

harsh light hits the tattered, untouched curtains
and inside my footsteps remain
embedded in the fragile death that
cloaks every surface,
lightly

nothing and everything has ceased
even breathing here is laboured
it is the home of the forgotten
the departed
embrace of the silent and still]]> Mon, 17 Mar 2003 07:30:00 EST http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/8121 -37.8166667 144.9666667-37.8166667144.9666667 http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7998 somewhere out there
the rain is covering the sky
in sweet clear bitterness
and turquoise light

you are out there in it, and
you radiate that light.
you are the centre of this whirlpool
everything swirls around you.

match the green in your eyes
with the warmth of your smile
i don't want you to ever fade away

you are sunny days eating lunch outside
you are dancing amidst a hundred other people
you are kissing in the silence of the darkness

you are laughing

you are laughter

and i cannot stop]]> Sun, 09 Mar 2003 07:41:00 EST http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7998 -37.8166667 144.9666667-37.8166667144.9666667 http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7957 i was reminded of it the other night.
comments would be lovely!

fragile joy

part of me would love to take you
into my arms, my heart and my life
but i know myself far too well

i love you too honestly
to endanger you with my
flippant fluctuation
my treacherously enigmatic soul

how can i truly explain myself to you
if i can't even see clearly in myself
not who i am, but who i will be
tomorrow

i've hurt too many world-weary souls
now i can see the siren in myself
i will never sing for you
or draw you in on my silken line
and the innocent shall remain so

nothing is sadder than a cynic
who was once the most joyful and lighthearted of children

i have seen your glowing face uplifted to the sun
please promise me you'll keep this feeling close
for it may evaporate without a word
like mist before the footsteps of the dawn


this is, by the way, total evasion of my creative writing *assignment*, due monday, that i haven't started yet...ok, starting right now! :)]]> Wed, 05 Mar 2003 01:42:00 EST http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7957 -37.8166667 144.9666667-37.8166667144.9666667 http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7921 you are darkness

for once i am entirely
responsible for my own
there are no excuses

i dive over the edge
pinwheeling into the infinite curiosity

i cannot resist
i am impatiens
bright, tiny, quickly flowering
in the night

spinning inside a marble
inertia
i cannot pause to think
or breathe

and so i kiss you.]]> Mon, 03 Mar 2003 00:32:00 EST http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7921 -37.8166667 144.9666667-37.8166667144.9666667 http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7918
Stacks of new friends, always someone to talk to, everyone is smart and funny and interesting and talented...and so friendly.

Wonderful to get involved without being worried that I'm being too full on, too enthusiastic - everyone loves that here. Somehow I also wound up with a lead role in the college play, which I was stunned by - especially considering that there are only a few main parts, and 11 people total. I play the sexy art-expert mistress of the lead guy, an up-and-coming political schemer...don't know how I wound up with the role, but it'll be great fun!!

I completely lost my voice this week. I *never* lose my voice...it was so annoying! But soon (when it comes back properly) everyone will be able to hear me loud and clear...hehehe....

Must sign off. Things to do, people to see, lectures to attend, etc etc...Hopefully will be back to update soon!]]> Sun, 02 Mar 2003 19:26:00 EST http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7918 -37.8166667 144.9666667-37.8166667144.9666667 http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7804
Perfect Day - Hoku
Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic - The Police
If I Am - Nine Days
Fire and Rain - James Taylor
I'm With You - Avril Lavigne

Particularly poignant and moving is "if I am", which I'd heard before, but put on repeat last night at about 12 (for about an hour). The lyrics are awesome, check them out. (Do a google search, none of my friends are online to teach me basic HTML :P I may come back and fix this later.) Or it may be just the mood I'm in. But I do like them.

I should really go pack. Really. None of the crockery is wrapped yet, let alone packed, and I want to be in the city by 9.30 tomorrow morning. Ahhh the bliss of late nights due to severe procrastination. I've had all day to do this...

Admittedly almost all my clothes, my CDs, my chess set, and some other random junk - oh, and all my shoes - are packed. But the rest is all over the floor. Oops. Oh well. Never mind.

Thanks to the people who are putting up with me at the moment. I have a feeling not many of them will read this. But for those who do. I have been cranky. I know this.

Sorry.

I hope that I will return to my normal state of bubbliness soon. I'll be trying ;). (No pun intended :P)]]> Fri, 21 Feb 2003 05:51:00 EST http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7804 -37.8166667 144.9666667-37.8166667144.9666667 http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7796
I’m confused by your enthusiasm lately. Also by your apathy. There seems to be so much that goes unsaid between us, so much that is assumed, livewires between telephone poles planted in different places.

I no longer think of you in your image, your physical self. I remember your body as something from a long time ago. When I think of you, it is your mind that I connect to, the way you speak, and the things that you refuse to say. 

In writing about our friendship it is as if I describe something that floats, whizzing and humming through and around the structures of our constant lifestyles. Static electricity – that is the kind of connection that this is, unexpected, shocking, alert. Still, it can be otherwise, or attempt to be. But even in the comforting moments, we are sparks, magnets. Repel, attract, repel, attract. Nothing stays the same.

Time is changing us, reforming us into the people we will be tomorrow. Our orbits are not fixed, our places are not permanent. Our lives are anything but determined. So we bounce, crazily, within the structures that we have around us, testing their limits, working the space. I don’t know why – it’s always been like this. Why was it me, cracking the whip? Why was it you, with the words ‘I love you’? How did we evolve in this manner – a twist of fate connected us, and bound us together like warped and brittle glass. Like molten marbles, opaque cat’s eye swirls and glossy clarity in one.

Transparent yet incomprehensible.


It is good to know within the centre of the chaos that there is one upon whom I am certain I can rely.

Thankyou.]]> Thu, 20 Feb 2003 08:44:00 EST http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7796 -37.8166667 144.9666667-37.8166667144.9666667 http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7795 Stuf has been going down recently, as Jayt would say. I have been a busy pumpkin, (though feeling very lazy) finishing at Nando's (YAY!!), packing (very very slowly) and dealing with all the changes in people I love, in different ways.

New music, new loves, new lifestyle. Being almost there drives me crazy. I can't handle in-between-ness...it plays havoc with my sense of order and control. (Yes, I am a control freak. I try to relax sometimes, or I get sick. Really.)

Trying to keep in touch with my friends is complicated plus. I can't wait to get to uni when the circles change and I can stand on my own two feet and look around without feeling like I'm going to hit my head on a stalactite.

I am tired and I'm soooo sick of the complications sometimes I feel like I could just scream. For a few days there it felt like I had got it so right. I should really remember from this never to let my cynicism go...if it feels too good to be true, it probably is.

I am so tired of feeling so lonely. ]]> Thu, 20 Feb 2003 08:26:00 EST http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7795 -37.8166667 144.9666667-37.8166667144.9666667 http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7732 only two weeks left
one until i move in...

for the first time in a long time
i have passionately enjoyed holidays
i needed a break, desperately

admittedly i only began to relax mid-january...
but since then, it has been fantastic
i do not feel ready to go back to working!

moving into college
everyone says different things
who knows what i have gotten myself into!?
i certainly don't

right now, i almost trust myself
to handle whatever they throw at me
but not quite

a tiny speck of doubt
like a speck of pure hope
may be all consuming

but i shall choose to choose hope
and be joyful]]> Sat, 15 Feb 2003 21:31:00 EST http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7732 -37.8166667 144.9666667-37.8166667144.9666667 http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7696 in every little thing i do

in everything you say
you take my breath away
i know it's a cliche

and i am sorry, but
it's no less real, no less true
just because it's been said before
equally badly

if i had the eloquence to express
what i dare to dream is going on here
i would never have to get a day job

we do not belong to the real world
i know because you shine
we rose above the lie they tell us

we are above the clouds
and
i can see you]]> Wed, 12 Feb 2003 01:47:00 EST http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7696 -37.8166667 144.9666667-37.8166667144.9666667 http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7660 don't want to consider my other options
used to flying high, only to collide
with my own false expectations
or my fears

i can't fly past you
through you
don't want to shoot you down as i soar by
as has happened before
but i can't leave the safety on...

wish your hand could be on mine as we
point and aim the trigger somewhere else
so often i shoot myself down from flight

i need a guide i need a friend
i need to hope that i can make it through the air
unscathed
for the first time
for the last time

you have imagined my wings
as i have imagined yours
together we will grow to be angels]]> Mon, 10 Feb 2003 02:51:00 EST http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7660 -37.8166667 144.9666667-37.8166667144.9666667 http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7647
Also I have a bruise on my arm, a very minor graze, a sore (possibly strained) toe, and I'm wearing glasses because my eyes threw a hissy fit in the middle of last night's activities and insisted that one of my contact lenses should be taken out "right now". "How do these things happen to you, Eliza?!" I can hear you asking... The answer to that question is, rather simply, that someone held a big, stake shaped piece of wood right next to my face as I was about to walk down a flight of stairs, resulting in me instantly losing the argument I had been having for the previous half hour with said person (and others) in which I had insisted that I was, in fact, not really that klutzy!

However, despite said injuries, I had a rather lovely time. Caught up with lots of friends whom I hadn't seen for a couple of weeks, had some important girly conversations, and spent lots of time with particularly special people.

On another topic altogether. (And yet, strangely not.)

It's strange that even when pretty much everything in life is going wonderfully right, it can simultaneously be incredibly complicated. How can you honestly desire something, not want it, and be scared of it - and be scared of yourself, and the things you could potentially change - all at the same time...

For once, I wish I was innocent. I wish I didn't know how things worked. I wish that I could be surprised and delighted by the little tiny things - as indeed I am - without knowing what they mean, and worrying about what they lead to.

Still.

It is true. You are true.

my shadow looks like you...]]> Sat, 08 Feb 2003 19:51:00 EST http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7647 -37.8166667 144.9666667-37.8166667144.9666667 http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7599
i need $68 more dollars from somewhere, so i will not be cold in winter. (more specifically, so i can buy an awesome dangerfield hoody. i don't have any jumpers, i swear. and it'll only be there for a couple of days...grrr...)

i am keeping to a diet the most successfully in years. perhaps ever. stop, i can hear you telling me i don't need to. i know that. i want to. i would love to be one of those really naturally skinny people, with big cheekbones. i would love to not have such a constant love affair with food.

i move out in two weeks. that is very soon. i need a laundry basket.

i really don't want to do any more nando's shifts. i gave my notice last week, but i'm working for them until i move into uni. (hopefully college will give me a place working in the library...hoping hoping!) anyway. i have to do a shift saturday. bleargh. oh well, look on the bright side... at least i can stop worrying about whether or not they'll fire me for sheer and utter incompetence now ;)

if i could recreate myself
so i appeared on the outside how i am on the inside
so i matched...
i would be similar
but a bit taller
lanky
with bigger cheekbones
mouth
and much more eyeliner.

however, i figure that most of us would look slightly different if we matched, and people could figure out who we were more on sight. there are not many sensible things you can do about it.

except maybe wear more eyeliner...:)


when we talk
embers from a fire at midnight
swirl around us in the darkness
glowing with a light that is not their own
]]> Thu, 06 Feb 2003 02:02:00 EST http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7599 -37.8166667 144.9666667-37.8166667144.9666667 http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7560
i have found, increasingly recently, that those around you are all too happy to judge you, or even to judge your temperament, on these soundbites - miniscule excerpts of you, frozen in time and space and context - applying a second's action to a lifetime's worth of person. i do not count myself out of this mannerism of judgement and construction - we all do it to some extent - but it does frustrate me and sadden me in its more extreme forms; forms which i see around me in many many people. when meeting new people, their tendency towards judgement becomes increasingly obvious the longer you know them, and you can tell - or i can tell - how fluid and empathic your potential friendship can be.

when asked to categorise my closest and most trusted friends, to explain what they have in common, it is this quality: lack of judgement, abounding empathy, understanding and courage in dealing with others, along with amazing knowledge of themselves and sense of their place. to many, these people would seem extraordinarily different from one another. one has blue hair, is an artist and a lesbian, has a dog named after edward norton, and plans to teach biology and english literature. another can practically speak html, loves his waterbed, his girlfriend and the writing of salman rushdie, reads ten international political journals a week, and plans to own - and live on - a yacht, probably in the next ten years. another i have known since i was ten years old - her habits drive me crazy, because i know them like they are my own, and she is something of a second sister to me. there are several others, and all know me truly. they have not judged on soundbites, nor even so much on the evidence of years, but on their empathic knowledge of me, and the promise of our friendship, the loyalty that spans time, space and circumstance.

this is what lasts.
this is who we are. not what we do, or where we live, but who we know and how we love.]]> Sun, 02 Feb 2003 22:52:00 EST http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7560 -37.8166667 144.9666667-37.8166667144.9666667 http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7536 the knowledge that
after all, you must do as you promised
yourself

it may seem straight-forward
the easiest thing
as well as you know it's the best
but

life does not hand you the
easiest platter, the load that you wish
you could take - instead it's the one you committed
your back to

the worst is the sight as you walk to the left
of the platter you've left, on the right
the one that you wanted is drifting away
so close you could touch it and yet

you can't.]]> Sat, 01 Feb 2003 08:07:00 EST http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7536 -37.8166667 144.9666667-37.8166667144.9666667 http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7480 I am visiting her and her siblings tonight, and she looks so much older. Since November, her eyes have grown larger (if that's possible) and she's starting 4 year old kinder tomorrow...

Strange to realise how time passes. New friends of a month ago I feel close to, and yet some friends of 8 years are rather more distant... That central circle I mentioned in my last update is changing, I think. Or maybe it already changed, and I am only now realising it.

Swimming was great - so good to see my friends again!...the usual reactions to my living space, only to be expected yet still rather daunting. I should really get used to it...then again, 6 years in the house still haven't prepared me, I don't know if it'll ever feel normal. And I'm leaving soon!

I gave my formal acceptance to the guy from Trinity when he rang this morning. SO excited! Here's a link: www.trinity.unimelb.edu.au if you're interested. I can't wait to get all the info...ahhh life changes!

I feel compelled to note, the downside to babysitting three year olds is the tantrums. Three year olds don't understand logic, only crying to get attention. Sample conversation:

G: Read me another story.
E: I've already read you three stories, that's more than the two I was going to read you, it's sleep time.
G: Read me another story!
E: Georgia, it's bed time.
G READ ME ANOTHER STORY!
E: How about one more *small* story, and then it's definitely sleep time.
G: This one.
**Story is read. About a wild and woolly girl who terrorises hair-dressers. Who makes these things up!?**
E: Right. Sleep time.

.....five minutes later.....

G: ELIZA!
E: Yes, what?
G: Can you sing me a song? Sing me a school song?
E: I can't remember any school songs.
G: *pouts*.....ok, sing me another song.
E: *sings Joni Mitchell for about a minute*
G: *turns on her singing giraffe. We wait for it to stop*
E: *resumes singing Joni Mitchell...finishes...* Goodnight, Georgia.

.....five minutes later.....

G: Eliza, can you see the bats?
E: Yes Georgia.

.....two minutes later.....

G: ELIZA!
E: *grrr...* What?
G: I MISS MUMMY AND DADDY!
E: ......you know the drill Georgia. The sooner you go to sleep, the sooner you'll see them.
G: I WANT MUMMY! NOW!
********repeat x10**********
E: *gives up*

I love babysitting ;).]]> Wed, 29 Jan 2003 05:26:00 EST http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7480 -37.8166667 144.9666667-37.8166667144.9666667 http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7446 (And even those who just read the site, and can see from the way I apparently go through men like 600ml Diet Coke bottles...)

Am I a man-eater?

What is a man-eater?

How does one qualify?!

Having recently broken up with my boyfriend (ninth in 5 years), I have realised that, despite encountering considerably long periods of singleness in my life, all my friends are of the opinion that I chew up guys who like me and spit them out - albeit nicely - like yesterday's bubble gum.

This is...well....partly true. I do break up with people quickly. But not because I get a thrill out of it!! Mostly because I realise that I made a mistake in the first place. I think that's a good reason to break up with someone. And if you forget all the mistakes that lasted less than a month, that total of nine gets winnowed down to a grand total of two. Ever.

I don't think that's that bad. And considering that only one of those two was a bastard (and that the other one is still my best friend) I think I'm doing better than most people!

So. Why (why why why) do my friends seem to feel the need to groan every time I break up with someone and ask wearily "What happened this time?"? I don't do it on purpose, people!

Sorry to all of you who thought this was a serious post on the pros and cons of cannibalism. (I did read a very interesting book on the ... never mind.) I needed to vent.

One day I will show them that I'm not totally neurotic. I will find a REALLY NICE guy, who doesn't have major gigantic problems, and go out with him for more than three months (my current total). Ha.

Maybe then they won't make bets on how long "this one" will last any more...

(P.S. The other thought that occurs to me is that maybe they're mostly jealous that I get so much jewellery from these infatuated now-ex boyfriends...

Maybe not.)]]> Mon, 27 Jan 2003 05:15:00 EST http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7446 -37.8166667 144.9666667-37.8166667144.9666667 http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7431 No Such Thing - John Mayer

"Welcome to the real world" she said to me
condescendingly
take a seat take your life plot it out in black and white
i never lived the dream of the prom kings and the drama queens
i'd like to think the best of me is still hiding up my sleeve
they love to tell you "stay inside the lines"
but something's better on the other side

i wanna run through the halls of my high school
i wanna scream at the top of my lungs
i just found out there's no such thing as the real world
it's just a lie you have to rise above

so the good boys and girls take the so-called right track
faded white hats grabbing credits maybe transfers
they read all the books but they can't find the answers
and all of our parents
they're getting older
i wonder if they've wished for anything better
while in their memories
tired tragedies
they love to tell you "stay inside the lines"
but something's better on the other side

i am invincible
i am invincible
i am invincible
as long as i'm alive

i wanna run through the halls of my high school
i wanna scream at the top of my lungs
i just found out there's no such thing as the real world
just a lie you've got to rise above
i just can't wait til my ten year reunion
i'm gonna bust down the double doors
and when i stand on these tables before you
you're gonna know what all this time was for


my song for the moment...i know it's crazily popular, at least where i am, but i liked it before and separate from that...and it matches my life so accurately. As always, that's why I like it.

My online access isn't too limited @ the moment, so hopefully I'll be updating lots more :). I'll be on MSN more too - see you there!]]> Sun, 26 Jan 2003 00:18:00 EST http://eliza_t.tigblog.org/post/7431 -37.8166667 144.9666667-37.8166667144.9666667